Let's Get Something Straight

A friend said a funny thing to me the other day: She suggested that all of these "trials" might be in result of William and me, possibly a prayer to be closer to God or a heart-felt desire to understand better the mercies of the Lord. Maybe you've heard or even have said yourself, "Don't pray for patience as it is sure to be tested!" And maybe in an attempt to better explain God, you might have said, "the Lord never gives anyone more than she can handle," while thinking secretly in your mind that this might protect you from having extreme problems (such as your own children with special needs) because, "I'm not strong!" Humph...

So here I go in another attempt to be transparent on my blog. Please allow me to express myself on this issue.

First of all, the Lord is not testing me and William through our children's disabilities and medical issues. The problems that we find difficult in our life are actually the same that most people find difficult in their everyday lives: finances, marriage, and other self-centered attitudes like stubbornness,unforgiveness or jealousy. Those areas of my life are definitely where the Lord challenges me with His rules, His allowance of temptations, and the reminder of His Word for ways to deal with His "testings." Meaning that He takes my desires to be closer to Him and He shines a spotlight onto the things that distract me from entering into His Perfect and Holy Presence. Doing this answers my request to be closer to God because His Holiness requires me to leave behind all the things that disgust Him, like my personal problem of anger, thus keeping me out of His Presence.

Let me reiterate: The Lord is NOT using my children's disabilities and medical problems to test or tempt me and William. In fact, my experience dealing with the unusual and extreme special needs of a child for the last ten years, plus adding a second set of unrelated and equally upsetting special needs of another child for the last four years, has shown a pattern of love and provision not a pattern of love and correction. In actuality, the last ten years The Lord has loved and "held" our family through all these major medical difficulties two of my children face in this world; a world in which we must live where bad things have happened ever since Adam and Eve ate that apple and were sent out of the Garden of Eden.

Allow me to add firmly: William and I are not amazingly strong, and the Lord knew full well that we would be brought to our knees from the time we became parents of our firstborn (healthy) son! Relying on our own strength has never been adequate or reliable, even when we had one child. And instead of it being about our strength and ability, it quickly became about the Lord's provision of His own strength and ability! While dealing with this intense grief over, overwhelming fatigue from, and immeasurable responsibility of caring for two children with medical disabilities, the Lord has provided His grace to get me and William out of the bed each morning even though the nights are usually just extensions of meeting the daily special needs of these children. Oh! And let's not forget the "normalcy" our family must establish for our three healthy children. In spite of always sacrificing normalcy as required by living in a family with special needs, these three children are well adjusted and quite wonderful which is also by the grace of God!

So let's get something straight: William and I did not "cause" our children to have disabilities because we pray. God the Father did not find us particularly strong so he gave our children special needs. Instead of remaining uninterested and unreachable in heaven, the Lord reaches out to us and has His Hands all over our family even though we feel overwhelmed and depressed about these medical concerns.

And here's a hint: When you see our family or those like ours, it's okay to be dumb-founded and clueless. Don't try to "fix" things. If you can pray with real dependability then offer. If you cannot remember to pray then don't offer. Otherwise, just say "hi" and smile. It's okay, really. Remember, we have a Saviour already; there's nothing else in this world that will make us happy.

Thanks for letting me get something straight. I'll update with all of our news later. For now, we're letting things settle down, M&R7

Frustration, Devastation, and Hope

First on Tuesday, we visited with the cardiologist at Dallas Children's Hospital. After an entire morning of EKG, X-ray, and re-telling of medical history to nurses, medical students, medical fellow and again to the actual cardiologist, we still know nothing about what is causing Aly's tachycardia. We know she has tachycardia; we don't know why. We know her heart looks good; we don't know why it races. We know her heart has a normal sinus rhythm; it just pumps too fast after sitting up for a couple hours. Hmmm. The doctor feels that this is a neurological problem. He feels this might just be a Rett thing. Frustrating!

Hmmm. This "Rett thing" is messing again with Aly's quality of life! Maybe, it's related to the high TSH (thyroid) and can be treated by the endocrinologist? We'll see the endocrinologist at the end of the month. In October we have an appointment with the Rett Specialist in Houston, but Aly cannot tolerate a trip that requires her to sit up for long periods of time which causes her to suffer from the tachycardia! Frustrating! We're hoping that our neurologist in Dallas has something he might prescribe to Aly for the trip to see the Rett Specialist. We'll see the neurologist in Dallas next week for Aly's and Cam's appointments.

Then on Wednesday afternoon, the doctor and I briefly spoke on the cell phone about some disappointing results from Cam's tests. The sleep study reveals that Cam has periodic limb movement sleep disorder. The MRI shows nonspecific scattered signals in the front of Cam's brain. However, Cam does not have a brain tumor (I didn't know we were looking for one) and I am not sure about whether there was any brain damage. I was writing down the information while cooking dinner, doing laundry and taking care of my kiddos, so I missed some information. Like I said, we'll see this doctor next week for more details. And even though I reminded him of the pending appointments, he most importantly called because he wanted Cam started immediately on anti-seizure medication since the EEG reveals significant abnormal activity on the back left side of the brain, which indicates that Cam has seizures while sleeping. I should say he insisted we begin medication since Cam has a (newly diagnosed) seizure disorder. Needless to say, we are devastated, again.

Hmmm. We feel so frustrated and so disappointed!

Recently, I turned to my "bloggy" friend who inspires me to have hope through her perseverance and gifts! Click on friend and read how she offers hope to me, and to all of us. She might look like she has no quality of life, but looks are so deceiving. Just give her a chance and read why she is inspirational!

Hmmm. To all of you out in the "normal" world, we may look like we are hitting a "record setting" low since the circumstances surrounding our family seem unbelievable and unbearable. And actually, we currently feel like things are desperate as two of our children are having extreme medical problems that are completely unrelated to each other. BUT, looks and feelings are deceiving! I know this because many times in the past we've thought our family has hit "rock bottom," only later to realize that the "valley" could run much, much deeper! You're right: William and I feel absolutely devastated!

But the truth remains:

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (PS. 121)

Just know, we're keeping our eyes on the mountain, on His truth, even though we feel like lying down in this valley for now.

By the way, on Monday afternoon, we took these pictures of Aly. See how proud Aly is of her new, purple, butterfly(wrist band)bracelet? Kassidy blessed her sister with this gift by earning tickets for good behavior at school, by saving ten tickets, and then by spending them at ticket store on Monday morning. All weekend Kassidy was excited to give Aly such a wonderful gift. Now Aly matches Kassidy's pink, butterfly (wrist band) bracelet, and both of our girls are so proud! Unless you know Aly, you might not feel like she has much of an influence until you see the truth of how important her life is to her family and her siblings. The truth of hope manifested in the generosity of her sister!

I guess you can tell we definitely need prayers now. I'll post again later, M&R7

The LAST two days...Plus a little more...

Howdy! Alright, we made it through a tough couple of days. On Thursday, Aly had an appointment with the hip specialist, and her hip looks great! The orthopedist was more concerned with the slight curvature of her spine, wanting to re-check it in six months. Scoliosis can happen when a girl has Rett Syndrome, especially since our Aly cannot sit without major support and cannot stand at all anymore. She had a tough time sitting in her wheelchair for such a long time. We left at 7:45am and finally got home just before noon. Poor Aly struggled with tachycardia, and we finally see the cardiologist this Tuesday!

On Friday morning, Cam had his sleep-deprived EEG. Preparation for that test began Thursday night since Cam was allowed only four hours of sleep. After getting the rest of the kiddos to bed, William played board games and on the computer with Cam until midnight when Cam looked up at Daddy and said, "Too tired; all done," and proceeded to get into my bed, falling right to sleep. The alarm awakened us at 4am and we began our day watching Cam's favorite shows, eating, showering, and playing until the rest of R7 needed to get ready for school. William kept Cam awake on the ride (in the rain) to Medical City Dallas. We checked in, and our boy was a super star at tolerating all the probes "glued" on his head and chest. He barely stayed awake long enough to answer the tech's questions and fell right to sleep. TEN MINUTES later the child had to be awakened! He was such a trooper!

Thanks for all of your prayers. We hope to get results soon from all of Cam's tests. This upcoming week we visit with the cardiologist, my mom and dad leave for a ten day trip, and we return to our usual schedule of homeschooling and therapies. Also, we're starting the process to begin speech therapy with our local school district which means additional meetings(ARD's) and might mean additional testing. UGH!

Okay! So that was the LAST two days...plus here is a little more...

For those of you who really know our family, you know how we dream of serving in Kenya some day when, if ever, the Lord drastically changes our circumstances. Until that amazing day happens, we follow our friends who already answer the call as missionaries in Kenya. We live vicariously through Steve and Nancy Peifer as we wait for updates on their website (click on website) where recently Steve explained that there is no more money to buy food to serve the children in their school lunch program. I thought I might give some of you a "heads up" on their website, and if you feel led please consider giving some change to make a change for students in Kenya.

Okay! Thanks for allowing me to share the last two days...plus a little more with you. As usual, we'll update when we have a couple of answers. I seem to enjoy updating of FB so don't forget to check on us there. I hope your week will be grand! M&R7

The Next Two Days...plus maybe a little more...

Instead of including a long-winded post using metaphors about the weather and horse races to make our busy life sound funnier, I have just a moment to list quickly what we know so far and what the next couple of days hold for us.

1. Cam did really well for the sleep study, tolerating all the probes on his head, chest and in his nose! The pediatrician cannot read those results so we're hoping the neurologist can explain them when we next see him.

2. Cam has been diagnosed with Verbal Apraxia. Click on the bold words for more information.

3. Cam's Level 3T MRI of the brain last week went amazingly well with little discomfort and no crying when he awakened from the sedation!

4. Aly has been happy for home-bound school time with Ms. Gaspard, even though none of her current health issues with tachycardia and thyroid have been resolved.

5. Thursday (Sept. 10) Aly visits with the hip specialist (orthopedist) at Dallas Children's concerning the xray and bone scan which both show a problem with her hip.

6. Friday (Sept 11) Cam has a "sleep-deprived" EEG, requiring he sleep no more than four hours. Click on EEG for information.

7. Each of the next five weeks, Aly and Cam have numerous appointments with specialists, plus any testing that Aly might need still. We hope to get results and treatments as we see the different doctors.

8. In early October, we see a Rett specialist in Houston at Texas Children's Hospital (scheduled since early March) depending on Aly's health and ability to tolerate sitting up for long periods of time. We still need to make travel plans and accommodations, but we're not sure she can make such a long trip.


Thanks for keeping up with us. I hope to post again this weekend if we really survive the night and morning leading up to Cam's EEG. Of course, you can follow us on Facebook where I will try to update more often. Really, thanks for praying. You're right: we know very little at this point and must continue to wait for test results, doctor consultations, and treatments. We hope by mid-October to have everything that Cam and Aly need. We'll let you know how the next two days go...plus maybe a little more, M&R7

...And They're Off...

You know. It's an expression "they" use at the horse races. Yeah, actually, I've never been to any horse race in person. Yeah. And honestly when we rented the DVD of that "wonderful" Seabiscuit movie, I fell asleep in the middle (more like after the first few scenes) of it since we had Bitty Twins who were maybe a year old, making sleep in short supply, very fleeting at best, and an uncontrollable consequence every time I sat for longer than 15 minutes. Having said all that, I (of course as a little girl) love National Velvet with Liz Taylor (of course on TV as a movie special - I am only 38 years old) on which I base my familiarity with the saying, "...And they're off..." Ha!

Well? Yes, hang in there with me on this one. "...And they're off..." Some of you with kids started back to school this past week; although, we started three weeks ago. Anyway, I heard that some mommies had tears (and some weeping as my neighbor described his wife) as their youngest bolted through the starting gate. And in some cases, mommies cried as they lovingly pushed their youngest needing physical encouragement (or really booted the kid to the curb as my friend put it) into the starting gates. Each new student beginning the twelve year race towards getting an education, starting with the gate of kindergarten. "...And they're off..." It signifies the beginning of football season, which Cam's music therapist refers to as "the best time of the year!" She attended the lesser texas university, which to no great importance has won a couple of national titles in recent years. "...And they're off..." It also describes the life of Ethan's new third grade teacher as she begins her first year at CCA, back to teaching after a hiatus of having some kids -she has five total. Hmph. Anyway, I can imagine that her alarm clock each morning sounds much like the firing of a gun startling the horse and her jockey and signaling the beginning of the daily race to balance a new job, home, five active children's schedules, and a supportive husband.

What does the saying signify to us? There is significance for us, too, just in a different way from the others. "...And they're off.." You know our youngest are twins. And although Twin A has begun first grade, Twin B remains home with me a second year to home school, to go to therapy, and to visit doctors. Honestly, my tears are from the bitter-sweet that comes from having twins whose paths are no longer on the same race track that the two had shared. The bitter-sweet comes from one healthy twin beginning her race with a much different pace from her twin brother whose pace has been slowed by verbal apraxia, tethered cord syndrome and possible brain damage. "...And they're off..." As Autumn approaches, football season leads to cold and flu season threatening the health of our Aly as her immune system tries to fight and struggles to win, much like our beloved Aggies during recent failures to recover the glory of a winning football season. Thus, it also marks for us at the end October the season of isolation as we try to protect Aly's very life by keeping her quarantined at home until February. "...And they're off..." It also describes the firing of my alarm clock "gun" each morning as I sprint out of bed in a race to balance my life which is why I might understand the fatigue Ethan's new teacher has from her race. Only my fatigue is from a very different race as I try to balance the reality of doctor's, medicines, medical testing, nurses, therapy, school district, teachers, medical bills, insurance company, illnesses, and disabilities with the normalcy of home, home school, five children's very active schedules, and a supportive husband.


"...And they're off..." Can't we all identify with this saying as we look into our lives as a race that each of us yearns to win?


...And let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1&2


We may have different race tracks, we might have different paces and speeds, but we can all be first place winners at the end of the race! "...And they're off..." Oh! Just to be in the winner's circle with the Author of life, the Savior of life, and the Sustainor of life is motivation for me to finish the race!


"...And they're off..." Help us endure the next "leg" of our race by encouraging us with your cheers, your prayers, as we embark on another month-long track filled with doctors appointments, medical testing, and diagnosis seeking/treating. Early this week Cam sees the neurologist, and later in the week Cam will be sedated for the Level T3 MRI at Medical City. We will schedule Cam for an EEG (testing for seizure activity) while Aly also may need additional testing this month yet to be determined by doctors. Each week in September, Aly visits with a specialist: orthopedist, cardiologist, neurologist, and endocrinologist. Our hope is to win the race, but we have to finish this and possibly many more race tracks before getting the blue ribbon. Thank you in advance for your encouragement, and we'll update at each of the "water stations" as we stop to get a drink and a quick rest. M&R7