Let's Get Something Straight

A friend said a funny thing to me the other day: She suggested that all of these "trials" might be in result of William and me, possibly a prayer to be closer to God or a heart-felt desire to understand better the mercies of the Lord. Maybe you've heard or even have said yourself, "Don't pray for patience as it is sure to be tested!" And maybe in an attempt to better explain God, you might have said, "the Lord never gives anyone more than she can handle," while thinking secretly in your mind that this might protect you from having extreme problems (such as your own children with special needs) because, "I'm not strong!" Humph...

So here I go in another attempt to be transparent on my blog. Please allow me to express myself on this issue.

First of all, the Lord is not testing me and William through our children's disabilities and medical issues. The problems that we find difficult in our life are actually the same that most people find difficult in their everyday lives: finances, marriage, and other self-centered attitudes like stubbornness,unforgiveness or jealousy. Those areas of my life are definitely where the Lord challenges me with His rules, His allowance of temptations, and the reminder of His Word for ways to deal with His "testings." Meaning that He takes my desires to be closer to Him and He shines a spotlight onto the things that distract me from entering into His Perfect and Holy Presence. Doing this answers my request to be closer to God because His Holiness requires me to leave behind all the things that disgust Him, like my personal problem of anger, thus keeping me out of His Presence.

Let me reiterate: The Lord is NOT using my children's disabilities and medical problems to test or tempt me and William. In fact, my experience dealing with the unusual and extreme special needs of a child for the last ten years, plus adding a second set of unrelated and equally upsetting special needs of another child for the last four years, has shown a pattern of love and provision not a pattern of love and correction. In actuality, the last ten years The Lord has loved and "held" our family through all these major medical difficulties two of my children face in this world; a world in which we must live where bad things have happened ever since Adam and Eve ate that apple and were sent out of the Garden of Eden.

Allow me to add firmly: William and I are not amazingly strong, and the Lord knew full well that we would be brought to our knees from the time we became parents of our firstborn (healthy) son! Relying on our own strength has never been adequate or reliable, even when we had one child. And instead of it being about our strength and ability, it quickly became about the Lord's provision of His own strength and ability! While dealing with this intense grief over, overwhelming fatigue from, and immeasurable responsibility of caring for two children with medical disabilities, the Lord has provided His grace to get me and William out of the bed each morning even though the nights are usually just extensions of meeting the daily special needs of these children. Oh! And let's not forget the "normalcy" our family must establish for our three healthy children. In spite of always sacrificing normalcy as required by living in a family with special needs, these three children are well adjusted and quite wonderful which is also by the grace of God!

So let's get something straight: William and I did not "cause" our children to have disabilities because we pray. God the Father did not find us particularly strong so he gave our children special needs. Instead of remaining uninterested and unreachable in heaven, the Lord reaches out to us and has His Hands all over our family even though we feel overwhelmed and depressed about these medical concerns.

And here's a hint: When you see our family or those like ours, it's okay to be dumb-founded and clueless. Don't try to "fix" things. If you can pray with real dependability then offer. If you cannot remember to pray then don't offer. Otherwise, just say "hi" and smile. It's okay, really. Remember, we have a Saviour already; there's nothing else in this world that will make us happy.

Thanks for letting me get something straight. I'll update with all of our news later. For now, we're letting things settle down, M&R7